A look back at 2011

This year has been an interesting one for our family.  It's been a year of a lot of changes and I feel like I have accomplished a lot this year.  Let's start from the beginning.

Last January, I wanted to run a 5K race.  I began training with the Couch to 5K training routine and was determined to meet this goal on Mother's Day.  A Mother's Day race is held every year in Portland, Maine and I wanted to participate with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law.  My goal was to finish in under 40 minutes and I did it.  My time was 39 minutes and some odd seconds, but I met the goal.  Sadly, I realized that running really aggravates my lower back and hips and I stopped running over the summer.  I wish I could start up again, but since I went back to school, my back has been bothering me a lot and I think some of it has been the walking I do on campus, and my mattress, as well as the bag I was carrying.  It's gotten better since I switched to a backpack, but I still experience back pain.  So no running for me right now.  I really need to start doing yoga again to help these issues.  Still, I accomplished a goal that was on my radar for about four years and that felt awesome!  I still love looking at the pictures from the race!

In the spring, right before this race, I realized I needed to do something besides be a stay-at-home mom.  Should I go back to work?  Should I go to school for Medical Assisting?  What should I do?  I remember the day my husband and I talked about this and I said, "What if I went back to college full time for my bachelor's degree?"  It seemed crazy.  How would we pay for it?  Would I be able to get loans?  What about childcare when the kids are not in school and I am home?  How would we make this work?  Would the school even accept me with my grades from 17 years ago?

I remember the day I went for a meeting with an Admissions Counselor.  I hadn't even formally applied yet, but I brought my transcripts and wanted the truth.  It was a painful meeting and it was embarrassing.  My overall GPA was pitiful and I had many classes that were not able to be transferred, but she said my GPA was acceptable, plus I had some classes from a local community college that helped my GPA immensely because I did well in them.  She told me on the spot that I would be accepted and to go home and celebrate with a glass of wine that night!

I got my financial aid in order and mentally prepared myself for the changes ahead.  I enjoyed the summer with my children and looked ahead to new challenges.

It has been an adjustment, but I have a new sense of personal satisfaction in my life that hadn't been present for a while.  I am working on a case study competition with my Public Relations group and the planning of it all is my cup of tea.  It's a lot of work, but it's something I love to do.  I also realize that the love of writing I had as a teenager is still there.  I love to write and be creative in that way.

Realizing that I can do things that seem like a reach has been very satisfying this year.  I ran a 5K. I went back to school.  I earned a 3.575 GPA in my first semester back to school.  I am busier than I have ever been, yet I am accomplishing more than I could have imagined.

My goal for 2012 is to keep challenging myself in new ways (and lose a few pounds, exercise more, be more organized.....the usual).  If I keep pushing myself to be a better mother, wife, and student, I will be a better overall me!

Happy New Year to all!

"I'd like to thank the academy....."

OK, not really, but I would like to thank my friends and family for their support in this endeavor this semester.

I am officially done with my first semester back to college.  I took my last exam today and while I know I have a long way to go in getting my degree, the first semester is done and I know I can do this.  It was not easy.  I had to give up some of my perfectionism when it comes to my home and cleaning and laundry and such.  I have had to learn to forgive myself when I mess up-especially when my little guy came home from his piano school holiday party last week and said I forgot to send him with a gift for the Yankee Swap.  Oops.

Things will not be perfect on this journey and it's not going to be easy.  Next semester involves five classes, as opposed to this semester's four, and I am working on a national public relations competition, but I'm doing what I love.

I have work to do for the PR campaign while I am on break, but I am looking forward to getting some things in order around the house and enjoying some time to read books that aren't textbooks and maybe watch some TV.  I hope I can have lunch with some old friends and some of the new friends I made at school--lunch that isn't in a dining hall would be fabulous!

Before I can do all of that, though, I need to catch up on the laundry that I've slacked on and write my to-do list for the week so I can be ready for Christmas.  I will, however, be going out to pick up a novel of some sort to read tonight when I take my son to his appointment.  I usually wait in the waiting room and do homework.  Tonight I can relax while I am there, and after I get home, I will enjoy a glass of wine and relax some more.

Progress....

Making progress when trying to achieve a goal that has always seemed elusive feels so great. Getting my college degree was always that elusive goal, but then last spring I surprised myself and my husband by boldly declaring it was time to just go back and get it.

Next Monday, my first semester will be finished.  I have taken a final in one class and turned in a final project in another.  On Thursday, I have an exam and on Monday I have my last exam of the semester.  To be so close to the end of this first step is wonderful.  I can't believe how much I have accomplished and how much I have grown, as a student, as a mother and as a wife.  It hasn't been easy, and with the way my Google calendar is looking for the next week, it's not going to be easy to finish this semester out, but it will get done.

This semester has also been rewarding.  I am a part of a Public Relations group at my school. This semester the meetings have been every other week.  I find myself rejuvenated after attending one.  I am also working on a special PR campaign/competition with the group and I love learning first hand about what I am studying.  I am thrilled that meetings for the group will take place weekly next semester because I am hoping that helps me carry the excitement I have felt this semester after attending the meetings.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, as evidenced by my last blog post.  It's hard sometimes.  I can't always be the positive person I strive to be.  It's tough around the holidays to balance everything and try to explain to people why I can't do things that they want and expect me to do.  Sometimes my sanity and my studying have to come first and I just have to say no.  I hope to make progress with myself so that I can learn that sometimes that's OK and I don't need to always explain myself.

My holiday apologies

I might as well I get this all out there and off my chest.  If I don't, it's all going to eat at me.  

• Dear children, I'm sorry our lives are busier right now.  I know you don't understand all of this and I know you say you are "proud of me", but I know life is different for you and it's not easy.  Maybe some day you will understand.  I'm doing the best I can right now and am doing my best to make this holiday season, like previous ones, a memorable one, despite the hectic schedules.  Thank you for reminding me that your laundry needs to be done because I'm doing a lousy job of keeping up. 
• Dear husband, I'm sorry our lives are more confusing and I didn't do this when I was younger.  If I had, this craziness wouldn't be affecting our family life at such a busy time like the holidays.  
• Dear mother, I'm sorry I am not as available as I used to be.  I'm sorry MY schedule has been busy and has not allowed us to travel to you as much as you would like.  I would much rather have some flexibility in my life than be studying so much right now.  I know you think I'm being a perfectionist and I don't have to study like I do, but I need to study or I don't retain the information.  I know you don't get it, but you never have.  In your eyes, I'm just a perfectionist.  
• Dear friends, I'm sorry I am not as available as I used to be.  I rarely have opportunities to talk to many of you right now, never mind get together.  I'm sorry and do plan to catch up with you when I am on break from school.  
• Dear children's teachers, I didn't put a ton of thought into your holiday gifts this year, but it will be chocolate so I hope that makes up for it. 
• Dear gift recipients, I think I'm putting a lot of gifts in bags this year.  Sorry for my lack of creativity.  I have to save what's left of my creativity for my final project for one of my classes.  I'm tapped out right now.  

If she could see me now.....

As I was walking through campus today, I was thinking of how this college experience is truly different than my previous experience.  I recalled being about 19-20 years old.  My grades were awful and because I had decided to stop being a French major (a major that was eventually dropped at the school),  I was given a generic advisor in the Academic Achievement Center.

While she wasn't a horrible woman, she had a way of making me feel about two inches tall when I saw her.  Yes, my grades were lousy, but telling me to focus more on school did nothing to help the situation.  I always left advising sessions feeling worse than when I went in.  There were never any solutions or options offered to me. (Now I can think of so many services on campus that may have benefited me.)  I didn't really know what my problem was and why I didn't just magically get my shit together.  I think that's what she expected from me.

I do remember feeling like I was fighting my GPA the whole time.  That's what happens when you start out with a less than stellar GPA your first semester.  I was constantly fighting to bring it up and I felt like it was a losing battle.

This particular advisor said to me at one point, "You should consider transferring to a new school--one where your decent credits will transfer, but you can start fresh with a new GPA."  That always stuck with me.  I always remembered that comment and hoped that some day I could do that.  But I still remember the look of complete disgust on her face as she said that to me.

Well, 15-16 years later, I did just that.  And if she could see that pathetic little girl now!  I am on track to get As and Bs this semester, and I've gotten involved in a Public Relations organization at the school.  I'm also trying to get involved in other activities at my school.

What a truly different experience this already is.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to know what they want to be "when they grow up" right out of high school.  Not every student has the will to get it all done in their late teens/early twenties. What I do hope is that those people in a position to influence younger college students realize that not every student with lousy grades is a failure.  There might be a smart person in there that needs to jump out, but also needs the faith in himself or herself to take that leap.

"I don't know how you do it."

This statement has been said to me a lot.  I feel like it has been said to me quite a bit since I started school and it was also said to me a lot after I was widowed.  

Let me share a secret with you.  I don't know how I do it either; I just do. 

When I was widowed, I did what I had to do to keep my sanity and to survive.  With that came learning a new sense of normal.  I had to learn how to parent alone and I had to learn what worked and what didn't.  I think I did a decent job of figuring it all out and just doing what I needed to do to keep my children healthy and happy.  

Since I've been back at school, I've had a lot of classmates tell me they don't know how I raise children, manage a family and go to school full-time.  I try to manage my time well, but sometimes I have to let things go.  I have two baskets of laundry sitting in my living room that need to be folded, but they'll get done when they get done.  Is it ideal?  Is it the way I've liked to do things in the past?  No, but sometimes I just need to chill out and that's where I was at last night.  They'll get done.  My house isn't a pig-sty, but I can't be the perfectionist I like to be when it comes to cleaning and decluttering.  The kids and the homework have to come first for me to be able to do this.  I can't stay up until midnight doing homework or I'm not productive.  I need about six hours of sleep in order to function (and I wish I could get more!!).  If I'm constantly exhausted, everything is going to suffer.  

I'm not Superwoman, by any means.  I just do what I have to do and I try not to complain about it. Being back in school is hard, but it's also one of the best decisions I've ever made.  I love learning, but best of all, I'm learning so many new things about myself.  I'm challenging myself and I'm showing my children that education is important and that hard work is positive.  

Seven years ago, I learned that I am a strong woman.  I didn't think I was, but I have since proven to myself that I am.  That strength has carried me through this semester and will continue to carry me through this journey and on to future endeavors.  

A lovely day off....

Let me begin by saying Happy Veterans Day to all the vets out there!

I got to enjoy a day off with the boys today.  It was enjoyable and productive--the best of both worlds.  We went to get Christmas photos done.  Now, I don't usually do professional Christmas photos.  I usually take my own picture of the boys for our cards, but this year I just didn't have the patience or time.  It was nice to get the boys dressed in their holiday sweaters and and go to the mall, armed with coupons, of course.  The little bit extra I spent, compared to my DIY cards, was worth it because it's November 11th and the cards are done and in my house.  Now I just have to address them and mail them.  I even have the stamps. I'm hopeful that they will be addressed and ready to go by Thanksgiving weekend and my card recipients will be astounded that Amy the college student is still efficient with her cards.  :)

We also lucked out and were able to get a picture with Santa today, too.  I am usually one to complain that this is too early to do all of this Christmas preparation because Thanksgiving is still about two weeks away, but I had to do these things when I had the time.  Once Thanksgiving hits, I'm going to be dealing with finals and end of the semester projects and such.

I also wondered how I was going to feel about the holidays this year.  Was I going to be stressed?  Was I going to be prepared and just pace myself to get through?  Was I going to be able to even get into the spirit before finals are over?  How the heck am I going to play Super Mom and Super College Student and give my family a memorable holiday season?  The one thing I've figured out over the last few weeks is that things will get done.  The most difficult part of my semester is over.  I will have three final exams, but they are spread out in a way that I should be OK.  I shouldn't lose my mind too much.  I have convinced my hubby that we should aim to get some decorations up and at least our artificial white tree up over Thanksgiving weekend and then we'll probably get our real tree the following weekend, but he might be on trimming duty.

It will get done, it will all be fine and I will enjoy it.  When you see these adorable faces, how can you not get into the holiday spirit?

Self-confidence is a powerful thing

I have never had a lot of self-confidence.  I've always had dreams and aspirations, but often times I've reached a roadblock and then stopped believing I could do whatever it was that I was trying to do.  Certain things seemed hard and I gave up.

I also have had a hard time believing that people like me.  This likely stems from typical childhood behavior with other kids.  It also didn't help that I grew up very sheltered.  I didn't go out to play and didn't really do a lot of socializing when I was younger.  My mother was very overprotective.  I remember when I was younger and my friend had a pool party at the end of the school year.  She lived very close to the school and we were all going to walk to her house after school.  My mom didn't want me to.  I think she insisted I get a ride instead of walking.  Hello??  Can you say outsider, weirdo, loser???  That's how I often felt.

I recently read a parenting article here that spoke about the negative effects of constantly praising children.  I was frequently told how smart I was by family, but when I started to struggle in high school and later college, I lost my belief that I had a brain.  I should have asked for help, but instead I felt stupid and felt like I was too dumb for college.

Since I have been back in school, I feel like I actually have some confidence.  I am conquering fears and believing in myself.  Instead of saying, "I think I can do this", I tell myself  "I know I can do this."  I love what I am doing and find myself speaking in classes.  I approach people I've only met once instead of putting my head down and assuming they won't remember me.  So what if they don't?  If I re-introduce myself, they eventually will.  Being shy isn't an option when you want to work in Communications/Public Relations.  This has been something I have worked on in the last few years and I am really pushing myself to conquer these fears as part of this journey.

Not finishing college this time around is not an option.  I have to finish.  But more importantly, I want to do this and I believe that I can.  It isn't easy and I won't get an A in every class.  That's OK. As long as I do the very best I can and work hard to keep up decent grades and still finish my degree, I will be OK.

Earlier today, I found this great quote from Dr. Seuss:

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

You're on your own.

And you know what you know.

You are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Skipping classes

Back in 1994, I could have been considered a professional "class skipper".  I did it all the time.  It was something I did without a lot of thought.

I went to a Catholic high school where being in the hallway without a hall pass could yield me some sort of punishment, so being able to go to college where many professors didn't take attendance was a whole new world for me.  I wasn't going to get detention?  (I never did, by the way--I was a good girl!) OK, I'll skip class....to go to the mall, or play cards with my friends in the commuter cafe or go to Friendly's for lunch.

And then my grades started to bomb.

Really bomb.

Yet, I still skipped classes, until I was academically dismissed in 1996.  Ouch.  (That just pains me to type now.)

I wasn't a student who drank and went to parties.  I was a student who didn't know how to handle some freedom.  I grew up very sheltered and couldn't handle figuring some things out for myself.  I commuted to school so my "unstructured" days in college gave me a new sense of freedom that I only really had there.  I still had to answer to my mom at night and on weekends and I guess skipping classes was my way of rebelling against authority and feeling free.

It's amazing how differently I look at missing classes now.  I would only miss a class if it was completely unavoidable and if it had to do with the kids or if I was puking.  Too many of my professors count attendance and I have regular quizzes that can't be made up if you miss class.  I would also miss too much if I missed a lecture--too much that I couldn't necessarily get back by getting notes from a classmate.  I need to be there, so I get my butt to class every day.

I know the time will come when I have to miss a class, but for now, my goal is to not miss school right now.  I like it too much and really can't afford to miss.  Too much is riding on this experience-- namely grades and student loans!

**I know I said I probably wouldn't post again until my mid-term and paper were over, but I had the mid-term today and survived and I'm taking a much-needed break from writing the paper. I had started this post a bit ago and figured I'd finish it!  The paper should be done tomorrow and it's going well!**

Finding my place in this world

The last six months have been very introspective for me.  Once I decided that it was time to go back to school, I had to think about my new role as a student and my future role as a professional.

What do I want to do?

What type of job would I ideally like to have?

What kind of student am I going to be so that I can have the most successful future, yet not completely forget that I have a husband with a busy job and two children, one with some special needs?

I am realizing that I enjoy writing.  I did when I was younger and it's nice to be doing it more frequently academically, as well as here on this blog.

When it comes to a potential job, who knows?  Who knows what the job market will look like in a few years for a woman who will be closer to 40 than 30 who has been out of the workforce for 13 years (at that point)?  I do hope to get some internships under my belt before then and will have to do at least one for credit, so hopefully I will have some more direction  Is it bad that I'm looking forward to shopping for a more professional wardrobe some day?  I would love to be able to buy some of the cute pieces I see in the Ann Taylor window!

On the current school front, the next week and a half are going to be hell.  I have a mid-term on Friday and a 7-15 page paper due on November 2nd.  They are both for the same class and they are unrelated in content so it's not like writing my paper will help me study for the exam.  I hope to be done with the paper before Halloween so I can enjoy Trick or Treating with the kids, so I'll be busting my butt this week.  We had a busy day today and tomorrow will be all about schoolwork.  Well, there will be some schoolwork tonight too because I just have to get stuff done.  It's not the end of the world, but I'm looking forward to this stuff being done.  My house looks like a bomb went off and it will continue to look that way until the paper is turned in.  The bare minimum is getting done until then (like laundry).  I will only have three grades for this class (the paper and two exams) so I need to do well.

On that note, I really am enjoying school.  It's a lot of work, but not everything in life is easy and in the long run, it will be worth it.  And because I have three baskets of laundry to fold sitting in front of me, I'm off and I will probably update again after the paper is done!

Short but busy week!!

It's been a busy week, despite the Monday holiday that gave me an extra day off from school!  I didn't feel like I had a shortened week.  However, as I reflect on it now on Friday, it was a very productive week that included my first mid-term yesterday! Fun fun!

The literature mid-term was originally supposed to be given on Tuesday, but last week we had a "rain day"-- a severe rain storm caused crazy flooding and the parking lots at school turned into a lake.  There was flooding everywhere and the school closed for the day.  So that caused some adjustments to be made to syllabi and everything was moved up.  Instead of having a long weekend to study for the exam, I really only had two days, because the professor didn't give us the format of the exam until the last class prior.  We have had quizzes every class on the short stories we've been reading, so I wasn't that nervous and it really wasn't bad. I left the classroom feeling good about the exam--I hope my grade reflects that!

I also have a history paper due at the beginning of November and I am moving along nicely with my research. I hope to start writing it early next week.  My goal is to have it done by October 30th--I want to enjoy Halloween evening with my boys and not stress about a big school project.  That reminds me, I need to get moving on their costumes.  Crap.

All in all, I've had a decent week.  I was stressed at the start of it, but it's improved.  Life is always busy, but it's becoming our new normal.  Once I get this paper done, I feel like I'll be able to breath a bit...for a few weeks anyway, until finals in December.

"Life is too short to be anything but happy!"

This was the status update of one of my Facebook friends this morning.  This update made my brain explode with so many thoughts and I am so grateful to her.  This particular friend is someone I met when I was on my own with the boys.  I was dealing with single parenthood and I was dating my current husband.  This friend has also had her share of tragedy since those days, yet I feel like she and I are both very much alike, and we treasure the good that we have been given, despite the tragedies we've endured.

How is it that two women who've experienced great loss have been able to learn from it and stay positive?

Is it because we want to move forward?

Is it because our children motivated us to forge ahead?

It's amazing how a positive attitude can make a difference in life.  My life isn't perfect, but you know what?  It's pretty damn good.  Is it always easy?  Nope, not at all.  I do have "off " days where something silly sets me off and all seems wrong with the world.  I do have days where life is legitimately stressful and I wonder how I'm going to get everything done or I'm stressed because money is tighter than I'd like it to be.

I try not to make the negative in life the focus.  I try to be positive and thank my lucky stars for what good I've been fortunate enough to have.  We all have choices in life and I choose to be positive and make changes to improve my life.  I can't stand when someone complains about all that has gone wrong in life, but yet that person continues to make lousy choices or doesn't buck up and take responsibility for what was done in the past.  Continuing to complain about "being wronged" doesn't get you anywhere.

That's what I feel like I'm doing now--taking responsibility for the lousy choices I made when I was 18.  Not finishing school when I was younger was a lousy choice, an irresponsible choice for me.  I have to work hard at it and get my degree so I can have a better job to help my family financially.  I need to make the best of it and be grateful I can do it.  I need to soak in all the new knowledge I'm getting.   And I'm not going to complain about the fact that I am doing this (well, I might complain a bit about the day-to-day stuff) because life really is too short to be anything but happy. It's my choice to be happy and it's my choice to go to school to better myself.

The dog got tired studying!

Max's new pillows!

Time

I've been thinking a lot about time lately--the past, the present, and the future.

I've been looking back a lot at my previous college experience, as I've spent a lot of time in the last few weeks trying to work with the appropriate folks at my current institution to get previous credits transferred.  In looking back at my transcript, I've been filled with a sense of regret, but at the same time, I want to look forward.  Looking forward, however, requires I get credit for those classes in which I did well...or decent.  If the course was able to be transferred and I got an acceptable grade, I really wanted the credit.  I get to start fresh and those grades aren't factored into my cumulative GPA at my current school, but the credits mean something.  The credits and course equivalencies mean I get to spend time taking classes that I want to take, not that I have to take.

In the end, most of the classes I was pushing for were finally transferred and this means that, at the end of the current semester, I will be considered a junior.  This also means that, as much as I look back on my previous experience with some regret, it wasn't a waste.  It does count for something.  I've often made my student loan payment and felt bad because I don't have "anything to show for it".  Getting those credits means I will have something to show for it.

In looking back, I've looked forward because I have more of an idea what my future requirements will be.  I needed that information to be able to plan.  I couldn't plan appropriately without knowing if I needed to re-take World History 2 or Public Speaking, among other classes.  Now that I know what's left in order to graduate, I do still need to clarify some information, but I think I will be done by Spring of 2014, if not Fall of 2013.  I will need to take some summer courses in order to do this, but that's OK.  I'm willing to do that to get this done.  I can take classes during the first summer session only each year and it won't be too disruptive to the kids because they go to school so late into June.  (I guess that is now the perk for us, as opposed to the complaint in previous years.)

I don't want to live life with regrets.  While sometimes I feel negative thoughts entering my head because I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  I made some lousy decisions at 18, but I've learned a lot from those decisions.  Those decisions have shaped my life, whether good or bad.  We are only given one opportunity at life and I don't want to look back with regret.  I want to look forward with excitement and be proud of myself for having the courage to make changes.  That's not easy to do, but being willing to make changes is half the battle.  The other half is taking responsibility for the bad decisions and moving the hell on!

As Bon Jovi says in their iconic song, "It's my life...it's now or never!"

A great story that I can relate to!

Ok, not completely, because I don't have 11 children and I'm not going to Harvard, but.....

Mom of 11 at Harvard: 'I seize the day'

The last quote got me teary-eyed.

“Life is really long, but you get one shot at it. Especially when you have kids early you’ve got a long life ahead of you, and a lot of time that you can really fulfill your dreams.”


Enjoy!

In the thick of things!

I'm 2 1/2 weeks into the semester and I'm going at full-speed.   There have been moments this week when I've felt like I could fall over from fatigue.  I've done homework every night after the kids have gone to bed, with the exception of last night.  I had my hair cut and colored this week and had a textbook and notebook on my lap while I was under the dryer.  I bring textbooks with me when I bring my kids to appointments or activities.  I read in my van while waiting for them to get out of school.  I don't really stop much.  I am constantly working on some schoolwork.  That's ok.  That's what I signed up for. 

I love it, but I'm tired.  I don't expect to rest much until December when winter break begins.  It begins on December 20th for me, since my last final is the 19th..  I'm sleeping in that day (Sweetie, consider yourself warned!) and I can't wait. 

This has been an adjustment.  I realized this morning that I haven't been near the washer or dryer since Sunday.  I used to do laundry every day.  Now I cram it all into the weekend.  Fortunately, we now have enough clothing to get us through the week.  There was a time when the boys were growing and the seasons were changing when we just didn't have enough and I had to do it mid-week for them. 

I also tend to vacuum more in the morning at 7am, instead of later in the day.  I clean the bathroom at weird times instead of on a schedule.  I do it when I realize I have a few extra minutes to wipe everything down. 

I also must give credit to my husband.  I could not do this without him.  He's a saint.  He takes the kids to school three times a week, although this week he took them an extra day to make that particular day easier for me.  He doesn't complain when I have to do homework at night.  Don't forget, we haven't been married that long and we really do enjoy spending time together.  :)  He got them Tuesday night from after-school care so I could go to "Meet the Teacher" night at their school.  He made dinner that night and went over their homework with them.  It was a long day for all of us.  I left the house at 7:30 a.m. and didn't return until 12 hours later. 

One of my classes is harder for me than the others and I have been unsure of some things in it, so I met with the professor this morning at 7:30.  He gave me some feedback and info and asked if I could work on some aspects of my research paper (not due until November 2nd) this weekend and meet with him again Monday morning.  He will give me more feedback, which will ultimately help my paper and help me receive a better grade.  Great, but ughh!  I called my husband after my classes today and told him about the meeting.  The morning routine can sometimes stink and I feel like I'm leaving him hanging to get everyone out the door.  That is my perception, but the reality is that my husband handles it all just fine.  Mornings are generally ok in our house because we have a strict routine, but I feel bad.  Instead my husband said, "Amy, do what you need to do.  It's not a big deal.  If this is going to help your grades, do it." 

I feel very fortunate to be part of a great team with my husband.  When I get through the semester, I will share my successes with him.  When I receive the degree that I am working so hard towards, I will receive it knowing that I share the success with him.  I will know that, while I did the work, it could not have been done without him.  Balancing a family and a full-time college schedule is daunting.  I'm grateful that my husband helps me and I'm glad I'm showing my kids that hard work pays off. 

Etiquette 101

**Warning: I'm going to show my age with this post.**


There should be a course such as this at the college level.   

In general, I am appalled by the lack of respect and manners in younger (aka normal aged) college students.  I realize that times have changed since my first go-around with full-time college, but it's been rare for someone to say thank you if I hold a door for him or her.  And most people don't hold doors if someone is behind them.  Nope, they don't care if it slams in your face. 

And walking on the sidewalk?? It's laughable sometimes--do they really think it's a good idea to walk three or four people across the sidewalk?  What about those of us walking in the opposite direction?  That's ok, I'll just step out in the street so you can carry on your conversation with your friends.  Loring Ave. isn't dangerous or anything.  And don't expect these kids to walk to the right side of hallways or say "excuse me", either. 

The cell phones...I love my cell phone, I really do.  But I keep it SILENCED during the day, have made less than a handful of calls while on campus in the last week and don't walk at a snail's speed and text with a bunch of people walking behind me. 

Don't get me wrong--I've met some amazing "kids".  There really are kids who really seem to care about going somewhere in the world and who have good manners.  It's frustrating, though, to be going about my business, trying to get from point A to point B and have to dodge rude people.  I feel like I've seen more of that being on a college campus all day instead of just out at Target, doing the "Mom thing". 

All in all, school is going well.  It's a lot of work and I've been exhausted this week.  I think because I'm tired, I have less patience for this stuff.  Maybe I'm just old and I have higher standards.  Maybe I'll get used to it.  Regardless, it would be great if Etiquette 101 was part of the core curriculum.  It would be more interesting than some of the required topics!  :)

First week of school musings

I have survived 3 days of college and I am happy to report that I love it.  I am confident that I made a good decision to do this.  Is it going to be easy?  Nope.  Is it going to be a challenge?  Yup.  Will my patience be tested?  Absolutely.  Will my brain be fried?  It might.  But I'm glad I'm doing it despite the difficulties that come with being an "older student".

The first day of school for both my sons and for me was Wednesday.  It rained heavily all day and that presented a challenge in and of itself.  I hate juggling an umbrella, but I hate being soaked more, so I added my umbrella to the mix of stuff I had to take to school. That was fun. I have a messenger bag that has my textbooks and notebooks (I'm only taking what I need for the classes I have that day), laptop and charger, my wallet and a few toiletries.  My bag gets HEAVY.  I was walking from my car on the first day and I thought, "I better lose some weight with all this walking and stuff I have to carry."  Really.  With all the walking I'm doing and the lack of time to eat, I better lose a few pounds.  My back was sore the next day and I was really grateful to the girl who complimented me on my bag but suggested I shorten the straps for better comfort.  She was right!

My first class Wednesday was World History 1.  I don't love history.  I wish I did, but I have a hard time remembering the details.  I prefer U.S. History, but I took that years ago and transferred those credits.  World History 1 and 2 are required at my school.  I can't figure the professor out.  He was all over the place with his thoughts and I had a hard time following him, but today was better.  This will be interesting.  Fortunately, my husband was a history major and said he'll help me.  My own personal tutor--isn't it great???

I also had Writing for Media, which is a requirement for Communications majors.  I loved it--a very engaging professor and content that I love.  I love to write and, while there are many assignments, it's easy to do that type of work when I love it.  She also encouaged us to blog or journal so we have an outlet for ourselves and so we aren't just writing for assignments.  I was glad to hear this and glad that I started this blog!  :)

Yesterday, I had Short Story 1 and Intro to Communications.  The lit professor reminded me of an English teacher I had in high school.  He reminded me of him in both looks and style.  It kind of freaked me out.  I'll survive the class, but I probably won't love it.  This is another professor who was all over the place and that is a challenge for me.  Maybe I'll get used to it.  My Intro to Comm class was awesome.   I really feel like I've chosen a major that fits me.  While my concentration is in Public Relations, the program at my school seems very well rounded and that's important to me.  It's tough being my age and out of the workforce for so long, so I'm glad I'm going to get an education that will provide me with useful information to hopefully get a job. 

I love the library.  I've determined,  after only three days, that it's my preferred place to study.  I hate noise.  I tried to study in a cafeteria while eating lunch the other day and the noise got to me, even while using my iPod.  I think it's funny because on my first college go-around, I used to sit with a group that made a ton of noise and didn't get a lot of schoolwork done.  In fact, we played a lot of card games.  Now that annoys me and I want need quiet.

Having lived in this city for four years, I've gotten used to college students being around and I've done my share of complaining about them.  In fact, I spend a lot of time on a street that I used to try to avoid during the day because of all the college students walking around.  Now I'm one of the ones praying people will stop when I need to cross at the crosswalk!  Most people have, but it helps that there is an elementary school nearby and a crossing guard on duty in the morning.  It helps in the mornings when I'm tired and cranky!

All in all, I've had a good few days.  I try to get a lot done while the kids are in school, so I'm not doing schoolwork at night.  I know I'll have to at some point, but right now, I'm adjusting and ready for bed at 8 o'clock, so I'm killing myself during the day while I have some energy.  I'm also trying not to procrastinate--instead I'm staying ahead of my work.  With two kids, you just never know what life could bring.  Hell, my youngest son wasn't feeling well one weekend last year, I took him to the doctor on a Sunday afternoon and he had his appendix out that night.  So I want to be prepared as best I can for whatever curveballs are thrown at me.  I also have professors who allow minimal absences, so I'd want to use them wisely if need be and I want to prove that I am a good student in case something does happen.  I don't want to be the slacker that I used to be.  My very wise sister-in-law sent me a quote from George Elliot a while back that's true: "It's never too late to be who you might have been." My time is now!

It's almost go-time! Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  I was tired because I've been trying to get things accomplished around here for the last week or so in preparation for the big day tomorrow, but my mind started racing so I got up, took some Melatonin and watched a "Friends" rerun to try to settle my mind down.  It helped and I slept well until my alarm woke me at 5am. 

My 5am wake-ups are going to take some getting used to again.  I've always been an early riser when the kids are in school because I DESPISE that "running around like a chicken with my head cut off" feeling in the morning.  I HATE being late.  A little prep the night before and in the morning goes a long way in starting the day off well.  The difference between this school year and previous school years is that most days I didn't need to be anywhere after I brought the kids to school.  If I didn't eat breakfast before I dropped them off, I could eat when I got back to the house.  Now I have to get my breakfast eaten and all my house chores done before we leave.  We are going to be on more of a schedule and while I know it will be chaotic, I'm looking forward to it.  I will likely be more productive with a schedule. 

Right now, the house is clean, laundry is done, most prep for the boys' first day is done (bags are packed), my bag is packed, most clothes are ironed (I will finish the rest this afternoon), meal-planning for the week is done (with tomorrow night's dinner already in the freezer--will need to heat it up tomorrow)......I'll make the boys' lunches tonight, but other than that and the ironing, I'm in good shape.  I don't feel like I'm ready to throw up yet and I'm ready to send the boys back to school. 

I'm very grateful for my husband for believing in me and encouraging me to do this.  He knows his great gig is changing and he might have to put his own crap away a bit more (RIGHT, Sweetie??????) and do laundry a bit more, but I think he knows that I'll probably be a better, happier mother because, as Tami Taylor said to Coach Taylor in Friday Night Lights, "It's my turn!"  It's my turn to do this for me.  I have to do it for the four of us.  In the long run, we will all be better off. 

Getting nervous

I have been really excited about going back to school, but this morning, faced with less than 10 days til "go-time" for my boys and me, I have started to feel anxious about the whole thing.  I know, realistically, that I will be fine.  My house will not ALWAYS look like utter disaster has struck, that my family will get fed, and I will find a way to get all my typical "mom duties" done, but today has left me feeling really anxious.  I am making lists of things that need to be done in order to get ready for school, both for the boys and for me, and I am trying to organize my time so that I can get these things accomplished. 

Somehow, stuff will get done and life with Mom back in school will be our new normal, but in the meantime, I will find scrubbing the bathroom and ironing therapeutic because that's my current normal. 

So why did I decide to return to school.....

I've been a stay-at-home mom (or SAHM) for 10 years.  My oldest child turned 10 this year and it really hit me in a weird way.  I initially decided to stay home because it kind of made sense at the time---I wasn't really going to be bringing home a lot of money after paying out the costs of daycare, commuting costs (I was a pharmacy technician trainer at the time and using my own vehicle for travel), food costs, dry-cleaning costs, etc.  My late husband was also someone who felt that his job came first and mine came second.  He wouldn't have been available to do daycare pick-ups, etc., so it seemed like a good idea at the time. 

It wasn't great.

We never had enough money and I felt kind of isolated.  I made it work the best I could. 

Then my late husband died.  And I had two kids, not just one.  Still I made it work.

In 2005, I met a wonderful new man and we were married in 2008.  I was still home.  It was what I knew.  I made it work, even though I had days where I loved it and some where I hated it.  My job credentials were out of date at this point, so I knew I was going to need to need to go back to school if I wanted to find a decent job.  In 2008, with my husband's encouragement, I decided that medical assisting was a decent option.  After all, my previous job has been in health care, it was what I knew and I liked it....kind of.  I took a few classes at a local community college and medical assisting seemed like a good option, but I wasn't ready to formally apply to the program. 

When I looked into applying to the program last fall, I missed a deadline to attend a meeting that was required prior to the application process.  I had already attended one of these meetings in 2008 to get more information and needed to go again, but I forgot I needed to do it again.  Because of this, I looked into another more condensed program at a local state college.  It was going to kill this summer for me, but I was prepared to do it.  It was going to start in April.  When I went to register in March, the earliest they were going to accept registrations, I found out that the program wasn't going to run.  It was going to start in September.  At this point, I felt defeated.  I was mentally prepared and didn't want to wait.  <insert a pouty face here> 

That's when my bright idea to return to college for my bachelor's degree was born.  Ultimately, I wanted my bachelor's degree.  It annoys me that I never finished.  I'm not a complete idiot--I should have a degree.  My insecurities got the best of me and I felt inferior without it. 

I want my degree in communications. 

So began my quest to apply, gather transcripts, meet with admissions counselors, pay deposits, attend <gulp> transfer student orientation......

I'm ready. I've registered for four classes.  I have some textbooks, some notebooks, a cute messenger bag to carry these items and my laptop, I have a parking permit. 

There's still some work on the home front to be done.  We need to get some stuff organized so that I don't completely lose my mind.  I probably will anyway.  But in the meantime, there's meal-planning to be done and systems to set into place, just like there would be if I were returning to the workforce.  After all, this is my job now.  I might not be getting paid, but eventually this will all pay off for my family!

This is what I'm up against....

This was featured on Boston.com this week.

What's older than the freshman class?

I'm older, but I'm wiser.

I'll just keep telling myself that. 

I have no idea what I am doing!

So I've started a blog, as have millions of other people. I don't expect to have millions of followers. Hell, right now I don't really want any.   I decided to do this so I can journal the crazy adventure I'm beginning in 15 days--I'm going back to school full-time.  College.  Full-time.  With classmates who were BABIES when I graduated high school.  I must be nuts.  I REALLY must be nuts because I can't wait.  Is it going to be easy?  Nope, I don't think so.  But I'm excited.  I hope to post at least once a week, with more posts likely in the next few weeks while I can freshly recall WHY I decided to do this. 

Join me on my adventure......